Top 5 Movies for the Valentine’s Day Hater

Curl up with a bowl of disdain and love hating culture’s overly marketed holiday

By Alexandra Riewer

Michael Myers peers over the balcony to punish his next victim for their sexual promiscuity. Photo Credit: Compass International Pictures

For the Scrooge of Valentine’s Day who definitely won’t be first in line to see the star-packed new movie Valentine’s Day hitting theatres Feb. 12, 2010, take into consideration these classic films that I am sure will fulfill your black heart. So grab a pint of your favorite Ben & Jerry’s, a toasty beverage and a garbage can to burn all those pictures of your cheating ex-boyfriend/girlfriend while you enjoy an evening filled with the satisfaction of stabbing love right in the heart.

5. The Break-Up, dir. Peyton Reed (2006)

Story of your life, enough said. Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn star in this movie about a very messy break-up and what lengths they will go to in order to make it even worse. Maybe even get some ideas to use against that “special someone” who unfortunately doesn’t think you are special, too.
4. Halloween, dir. John Carpenter (1978)

Cheer on Michael Myers as he punishes the promiscuous Lynda and her beer-filled head boyfriend Tom

my. Jamie Lee Curtis stars as the non-sexual, babysitter teen Laurie Strode. You wish you didn’t identify with Laurie tonight, but that is why you are on Michael’s side – punishing those who get to enjoy the pleasures of Valentine’s Day.

3. 500 Days of Summer, dir. Marc Webb (2009)

I guarantee that this film is a perfect re-enactment of your own love life: boy meets girl, boy falls

in love with girl, girl DOESN’T fall in love with boy. You’re not the only one out there. I promise.

2. Atonement, dir. Joe Wright (2007)

A 13-year-old girl accuses her older sister’s boyfriend of rape out of pure jealousy, changing all of their lives forever. So full of hate and utterly depressing that just when you think there is hope, there is none at

all. Watch this and hold a grudge against 13-year-old, prepubescent girls forever.
1. Requiem for a Dream, dir. Darren Aronofsky (2000)

This film presents four individuals as their lives fall apart due to their inability to get away from their life-threatening addictions. Throw in the DVD and watch how each of them tries to turn their life around and fail. Miserably. Choose to either wallow with them or heighten your sense of your own pathetic love life. So depressing and so worth watching.

Frankie says: Relax! It is just Valentine’s Day. At least you can be thankful there is only one day a year that obnoxiously magnifies your lack of a love life. Try not to make your lovey-dovey friends too jealous when they see what YOU’RE doing on Valentine’s Day. Who needs chocolates, roses and an expensive dinner anyway? I mean, it’s called a recession. Ever heard of it?

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